No man can completely satisfy his wife. Not mine. Not yours.
Mine has tried.
I’m married to a good and godly man who honestly tries to give me everything he feasibly can. And if I ask for something, he may hem and haw around the price for a minute or two, but he’ll never deny me if it’s at all in his power to provide what I’ve asked.
Still, he cannot supply all my needs.
God alone desires to and is able to meet my every need. Whether I’m craving unconditional love, stalwart security, a sense of significance or purpose, my God can completely grant what I ask if I
- go to Him and
- believe Him.
Unfortunately, I did not always understand this concept. And as a dissatisfied wife, I put a lot of unfair and unreasonable pressure on my husband to meet my needs. When I was down, it was somehow his fault. When I was lonely, I expected him to drop what he was doing and come to my side. When I needed assurance, I expected him to come up with just the right reassuring words to speak over me. You can imagine how that went. I have a good husband, but he’s not Shakespeare or Browning. He is, as Tammy Wynette crooned, just a man.
But when a woman learns to run to God with her soul’s deepest desires each day instead of her husband, she soon finds that God so supplies her needs that it changes the way she views and responds to the man in her life. In fact, she becomes a completely different kind of woman to be married to.
If you learn to speak to God each morning about your soul’s desires, expect Him to meet those needs and wait patiently for Him alone to do just that, here’s what you will look like to your man.
A satisfied wife:
- is not demanding, whining, complaining, or negative. She is filled with joy and her demeanor expresses deep satisfaction.
- focuses on others instead of herself. She has plenty to give, so she doesn’t mind offering.
- asks how she can help. She wants to be a blessing to others in her life.
- gives her husband room and time to do the things he enjoys without assuming that his preoccupation with other things is a slam toward her.
- supports her husband by speaking to him with gracious, kind, and encouraging words. She has nothing to profit from speaking cruel, demeaning, or sarcastic words.
- gives him time to regroup or rest when needed. She doesn’t need things instantly from him. She can wait.
- is strong and capable of doing many things for herself. She does not feel the need to manipulate him with a pretense of weakness or cluelessness. She’s a smart gal, strong and competent!
- says what she means…gently, of course. But she doesn’t play word games, expecting her husband to read her mind or know what she “really” means.
- is not chasing the wind. She’s not all caught up in one pursuit after another, trying to find that elusive something to satisfy her itch. She’s content and at rest.
- can be trusted. She isn’t looking for another man who can satisfy her better than the one she has. She’s committed to her man, but she’s satisfied with her God.
- is not resentful when her husband goes through a particularly needy time. If he’s sick, discouraged at work, tired, or disheartened, she does not get angry or put out. Instead she is able to help him through the tough time.
- is comfortable with her femininity. She doesn’t try to wear the pants in the house (though she may look mighty fine in her jeans!) because she is satisfied with the purpose and significance God has given her as a woman. She’s not struggling against her womanhood, so her man feels more like a man!
Can you see how appealing a truly satisfied woman is to a man? Can you see how a wife who is content and deeply satisfied by her God can infuse her husband with confidence, peace of mind, and ultimately great joy?
For a number of years my husband was married to a very dissatisfied woman. And it took a toll on our marriage and our family. Trust me, you don’t want that to be the story of your marriage. Learn to seek all your soul desires from the God who created and loves you. Then you tell me if it makes a difference in your marriage.
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Kay this is SO true. 1 Peter 3:1-4 illustrates it well. I was saved before my husband, and the change he saw in me in these areas (God's doing, not mine!) are what he will tell you led him to the Lord. How we behave as wives has a huge impact on the people in our "sphere of influence" – for better or for worse.
What a great testimony to the truth of 1 Peter 3:1-4. Thanks for sharing that!
AMEN! We're celebrating 25 years on September 5th, and our anniversary just happens to fall on a Wednesday – my devo day! I scheduled that post last week, and the Lord gave me a great summary line:
Don't expect from your spouse what can only be found in your Savior.
That truth transformed my heart and my marriage.
Thanks, Kay!
Wonderful post, Kay! As an aside, I've discovered that housekeeping is a wonderful way to show my love for my husband and my appreciation to my Savior for a beautiful home, no matter how modest it may be. It isn't the "grudge" work so many women think it is. Thank you for the wisdom and inspiration.
It's all so true! One thing I have learned in the last 6 months or so is to not pray for my husband to change but to pray for myself to accept my husband and to change my heart. My constant prayer is "God please take away my irritation with my husband." being happy with myself and my relationship with God has made a huge difference in my marriage!