Yesterday 16-year-old Abby received some clippings in the mail from my mom, her MeMa. That’s what my mom does. She sends clippings from magazines, Internet articles and newspapers, mostly newspapers. And that’s good because we don’t get a newspaper and would otherwise never read all these things that “they” say.
You see all my life my mom has told me “they” say this and “they” say that. A voracious reader, my mom daily finds out something new and important that “they” say. Sometimes she remembers who “they” is and sometimes she doesn’t, but we’re supposed to assume that “they” know what “they” are talking about and in fact are the experts on the subject.
Over the years we have learned what “they” say about all manner of topics ranging from why you should read to your children to how you should train your dog to how you should build your wardrobe based on one color to how you should discipline your children to when you should let your child get his driver’s license to how you should manage your finances to why you should pay off your debt to how you can shop for groceries for a family of four and only pay $29.32. I honestly don’t know what we all (my family and my brother’s family) would have done had we not known what “they” say about all these things and more.
I know my mom is reading this, so let me pause at this juncture and say that I truly, no sarcasm involved, love my mom for caring enough to pass on all that she reads to us. Truly. This wonderful little habit of hers simply tells me that she has us—her kids, in-laws, and grandkids—on her mind at all times, even when she’s sitting in her sunroom and reading her newspaper.
I haven’t read the clippings Abby got yesterday because she wouldn’t let me. That, of course, will not matter in about an hour when she goes off to school and I am here alone with said clippings. Still, I did get a glimpse at the titles of the articles and I know one is about good manners and the other seems to be about teenage drivers. I must agree with my mom that these are certainly things about which Abby needs to know what “they” say. I’m guessing, bottom line, “they” say use good manners at all times and you will go far in life and don’t use your cell phone when driving and you will also go far in life. Good advice.
This brings me to the point of my post today. (And you thought we’d already gotten there, didn’t you?) My mom has given me some great advice over the years. I remember when I was younger I didn’t call it great advice; I probably called it nagging. My mom loves to pass on advice, as apparently so do I. But hey, who can fault her? She has great advice to give. After all she knows what “they” say about most everything.
But I’d like to share with you the greatest advice she ever gave me. It’s not about marriage or raising kids or managing your finances, nothing that weighty. And yet this little bit of advice that she droned into my head over and over and over as a child has served me better than anything else she passed on to me. That’s not to say my mom hasn’t taught me a bookoodle of other profitable and important things. It’s just that this little tidbit has been the most practical, the most serviceable advice of all and I use it daily, that’s right daily.
When I was a child my mom was an elementary school teacher. I remember many an afternoon or morning when I would be walking through the halls of Compton Elementary School with my teacher mom and we would pass one of her teacher friends in the hall. Being the shy little girl that I was, I would look the other way and pretend that I didn’t see the teacher friend. I certainly didn’t want to have to speak to her!
My mom would say hello to the other teacher and then after we had passed by she would look me square in the eyes and say, “Kay, you should always speak to people you know. You should always look them in the eyes, say hello to them, and call them by their name. They say people love to hear their name.”
I would murmur something about why I just couldn’t do that, but my mom was persistent. Even at other times, when I was getting ready to go somewhere that I would probably run into people I knew, she would remind me to look people in the eyes, speak to them, and call them by name.
Today, as a pastor’s wife, I am so glad my mom taught me this simple, but often ignored, social grace. I’m sure I don’t bat a thousand on putting it into practice, but I certainly try. I’ve gotten over my shyness completely and practiced my mom’s advice with diligence, because indeed, people do like to hear their names.
So if you’d like to print this out and send it to a friend or a child or whoever, feel free. Clippings in the mail are a good thing. But if you’d rather just tell someone about my mom’s wise advice, you don’t have to reference her by name (Louise). You can just say that “they” say you should always look people in the eyes, speak to them and call them by name. Believe me, “they” know what “they” are talking about.
What about you? Did your mom or dad give you any great advice that still rings in your ears today? Let us all know what “they” said.
Well, that got me all verklempt. Mom sends me clippings, too, but usually of funny cartoons from her daily calendar upon which she has scribbled notes comparing us to the characters in the cartoon. 🙂
Reading this, and having known you for more years than I can believe, just explains so much about the admirable person that you are and how you came to be that way. That is wonderful advice from your mom. Advice that I have long put into practice and yet have never shared with my girls. I will today.
I love your blog, Kay. I love hearing your voice. <3
It's a beautiful day in Georgia. I hope it's a beautiful day for you, too. Blessings.
Well of course I had to go and look up that word! No wonder your daughter is a National Merit kid! She has a mom with a huge and interesting vocabulary… Thanks for dropping by Dana. Almost always a beautiful day in Arizona, but thanks for updating me on Georgia. I miss it so!
It's funny you bring that up. We have two girls from Costa Rica staying with us for three weeks, and my own teenagers were, at the beginning, acting kind of shy around them. Shy to the point of seeming rude, which I know they weren't trying to be, but still, it came across as rude. I had to talk to them about acting interested in our guest–ask them questions about themselves and their day. Ever since then, things have been much better and I've even seen a new side to my girls that needed to come out–the more outgoing side.
Anyway, that kind of brings me to the best advice my dad ever gave me. He said to always get people talking about themselves and try really hard to not talk about yourself. He taught me to ask questions of others and to deflect attention from myself in a conversation (I'm still working on that one). Interestingly, my husband, who works in business, also learned that lesson from my dad and he often says that it's the best advice he's ever been given too. It has really helped make him successful with clients and with co-workers.
My mom is "Mema", too! …
Mom's advice was to always look out for the person who was undervalued and unnoticed. She didn't actually TELL me that, but she lived it. She still lives it. Her advice came through loud and clear with her actions.
Loved this post!
Great, Wise, and Excellent advice Kay. I have always talked, a lot. I struggle to keep my mouth closed so others can share more of themselves. I have to pray at times during conversations with people to let me hear what they are saying (or not) because of all the little tidbits that float to the surface of my mind that I want to blurt out. But, I have gotten so much better at active listening with your mom's great advice. I will look someone in the eye, call them by name, and ask how they are doing. It may mean that it takes us 10 minutes to make a 5 minute walk down the hall, but that's just being Texan
You are so blessed to have a mom who sounds so much like God, not only does He speak to us, look us in the eye & call us by name but He listens to our hearts when we won't look Him in the eye, speak to Him, or call Him by name…
Hi Kay,
I love your blog it's always filled with such good advice.
My dad taught me a simple saying. YOU HAVE NO NOW ANYTHING FROM THERE IS UP. In other words I have no now what if I ask and the answer is yes.
Kym is in recovery doing well.
Love Stephanie
This makes me wonder what legacy I may be passing on to my kids, Kay!
No great advice from my parents, but I benefited from my friends parent's advice many times. Thank God for the wisdom other's were willing to pass down to me. Good post, my friend.
I love that she sends you clippings. That is a wonderful memory to cherish about your mom.
This is an ongoing theme in my life that God is confirming for me right now. In my Step aerobics class I make it a point to ask, learn and call people by their names (I have a little notebook I use to help me remember). That one little thing… remembering someone's name… is SO amazingly powerful. It assigns value to them and helps them feel appreciated (especially if they are out of their comfort zone in a gym!).
I remember my mom telling me ONE time when I was in 8th grade and very nervous that I was going to be tested to see if I should be in advanced algebra: "Lisa, you are smart, and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to do. You have never backed down from a challenge before, so why would you start now?" I was floored. Her confidence in me got me into and through college, Physical Therapy school and a successful career in PT and motherhood (ongoing). 😀
My mother gave me advice every day of my childhood, so it all kind of runs together! lol
Looking forward to the day my sons call my words of wisdom advice instead of nagging!
Kay, that brought back fond memories of growing up and the wisdom my dad would say to me everyday… "Turn off the lights you're wasting electricity!" Sometimes I would still be in the room and sometimes I wouldn't. Now I get to sound like my Dad when my family leaves everylight on in the house. Yes, my Dad was "Green" before "Green was cool.
Kay, you know my mom .. and I don't think she so much as "told" me this very same advice, but she "showed" me on a daily basis. In fact, one summer when we were at our beach house in NC, we were standing in line at a store and my mom struck up a conversation with Gretchen Heckler (real name). The reason I can recall this is because it has been a point of hilarity in my family for the past 30+ years …. you know, "Is Gretchen Heckler coming to dinner?" or "That must be Gretchen Heckler." or "Are they related to Gretchen Heckler?"
In fact, yesterday, I was at lunch with my sister in Hollywood and we were waiting for her car to be backed out of the parking spot in this small little parking spot in front of the sushi restaurant. The guy backng out our car wasn't paying attention to the car he was cutting off. As we were all standing in the parking lot, I walked up to the car and the guy rolled down his window. I apologized for my friend not paying attention and the gentleman said, "You guys must not be from California." I said that I was from Atlanta, to which he replied, "Ahhh … the A-T-L!" I walked up to his window, bumped fists and said, "What do you know about the A-T-L?" We went back and forth for a few minutes, both laughing and smiling, then we got in our car and went on our way. When we got in the car, my sister says, "Well, you guys can see that Jeanna inherited my mom's tendency to speak to anyone."
You never know how God is going to enrich your life or those of the others you encounter on a daily basis – no matter how big or small the encounter may be. This gentleman put a smile on my face and provided a moment of love and connection in my day …. and who knows. He may be related to Gretchen Heckler after all!!!
I got, "never put your faith in people. They will always disappoint you. God will not!" I actually think she only told me this one time, but I will NEVER forget it and think about it ALL the time.