Actually, I’m not at the party yet. But I’ve thought more than once about throwing myself one. I’ve heard, however, that pity parties rarely end well and sometimes the host even drowns at them. So I’m thinking I shouldn’t even bother sending out the invitations.
Instead, I thought I’d beg invite you to help me resist the urge to even go there. Today, I’m humbly asking for your advice, encouragement and prayers. I mean I really need you to pause and give me something here. It would be so appreciated.
What’s the occasion for my pity party? Because there usually is one, you know.
My nest is emptying out completely and probably once and for all Friday morning before the birds even get up. At 0’dark-thirty my youngest child, Abby, will fly out to Georgia to join her brother who already lives there. No, she’s not living with him. She has a wonderful job with WinShape Camps for the summer and then will begin to pursue her acting career in Atlanta. But the point is both of my chick-a-dees will be living in a different neck of the woods from me…about 2,000 miles away…three time zones away.
So the Pity Party Supply Depot has gotten my number and begun to call regularly. 😉
Really, you need to know that I am extremely happy for my daughter. The Lord has blessed her with an amazing ministry opportunity this summer. Abby is going to be the Worship Speaker for the older girls (girls who have just finished grades 6-12). Each day she will have approximately 45 minutes to share dynamic, biblical truths from the platform and one-on-one with hundreds of young women. Actually, according to Abigail’s curriculum, she will be preaching. Yep, that’s the word they use. That’s what my daughter will be doing almost every day this summer.
Abigail is uniquely gifted for this calling, and God has seen fit to give her the privilege of serving Him and hundreds of teen girls with her abilities, her passion and her heart this summer. I am so grateful that God is giving her this responsibility and blessing. And I wouldn’t for a minute want her to stay home.
Abby’s been itching to move on to somewhere new for a number of years now. And I’ve always known, especially considering the field God has called her into and gifted her for, that she wouldn’t be living anywhere near my husband and me. I also knew my son would probably not live near us here on the border of Mexico. And, because we are in ministry and never know when God may call us to pick up and move somewhere else anyhow, I have never even tried to encourage my kids to stick close to us. They’ve been raised to develop strong wings and fly wherever God may lead them…just like my husband and I have done. And Abby hasn’t lived with us for over three years, mind you. And she’s spent the last two summers up in Oregon at another camp. And, thanks to the generosity of my parents, I already have plane tickets for two separate trips out to see my kids this summer! I really have nothing to get all pitiful about.
But still it hurts. Abby’s absence will leave a big hole in my life. She is not only my only daughter, but she has become one of my dearest friends. There is no one I enjoying spending time with more. We have a blast together and I love her wildly! Bottom line, I’m going to miss my baby girl…and my sweet, sweet friend.
Oops! I think I hear Pity Party Supply Depot calling again! I better send out my invitation and turn this party over to you…quick!
- Would you please take a moment to pray for me as I go through this major transition? Just pray for me to feel the feelings, but to doggedly dwell on what is true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and reputable and excellent and praiseworthy. Pray for God to walk me through this season of change and for me to feel His presence and hear His voice as He does.
- Would you offer me some encouraging words or even a scripture of hope and resolve, if you have a moment? I would cherish your words.
- And if you’ve been in my shoes…are in my shoes…would you give me a little advice? I’m so humbled by the outlook that I am desperately seeking sound, godly advice. If you live far from your children, would you please share with me from your heart and your experience?
I’m currently reading Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, and it’s proving to be a valuable and comforting resource. But I’d love your perspective as well. Thanks so much dear blog readers. Your help means the world to me.
Are you struggling with a new chapter in your life? You don’t have to navigate this new path alone. I encourage you to follow my lead and ask for help. Find a good book or website that addresses your struggle from a biblical perspective. But also ask people in your church, friends, or your pastor for guidance. The Bible encourages us to live in a one-another community so that we can encourage one another, hold one another accountable, correct one another, love one another and bear one another’s burdens. Who might you ask for perspective and guidance today?
Hi Kay. I,too, have an empty nest, though my children are just a short drive away. Something I’ve found out over the years of moving and leaving people is that it is ok to be sad about change and have a pity party. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are human. Give yourself permission to be out of sorts for a bit. Just don’t stay there. Use the time to let God reveal His new “normal” for you. He is faithful and He cares about the hurt.
Thanks so much Marshella. I can’t believe your kids are old enough to be grown and gone, too! But of course they would be if mine are 😉 Funny how we watch our own kids grow, but we forget kids that we’re not around anymore are growing up, too! Thanks so much for dropping by and giving some encouragement. I am indeed going to give myself some room to hurt and grieve a little. I have a low stress week planned, but I’ve also planned to have some routine type work that I will have to peck out on my keyboard. That will be good for me!
Hi Kay, I am right there with you. I know you wouldn’t have it any other way and I also know that it hurts and is a bit sad. And, it is so tempting to attend the pity party. But, God has plans for you. Fantastic, unbelievable plans for you. It will be fun to see what they are!
Thanks, Becky, for your words. Thanks for acknowledging the hurt instead of brushing it off. Indeed, I do believe God has great plans and I am looking forward to seeing how He works!
Kay, I just read this blog post by Ann Voskamp and thought it might speak to right where you are!
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2016/05/4-steps-to-take-when-youre-not-ready-for-the-change-that-is-coming/
Thanks for sharing the link, Susan. It was lovely and very encouraging.
Kay, I can’t offer advice because I’m not a mom (to humans, anyway), and I can’t imagine offering advice on something I have no experience with, but, I can recommend a beautiful, powerful poem that might articulate this poignant moment in your life. Here’s the link:
http://www.webdelsol.com/LITARTS/laux/dl-part2.htm
There myself. Mine aren’t so far away but they are spreading their wings so time passes between contact or visits. I remind myself that this was the goal, to raise children to be independent adults. I relish the calls and visits. Now I am focusing on me, a lot of dreams and wishes were put aside for 28 years. Never too late to revisit those to fill my space and time with new creations and adventures I can share with my kids.
I think yours are very wise words, Donna. James and I always said we were raising adults, not children, and we very much feel that both of our kids have grown up well. So we are indeed happy with that. And I do have many things I still want to do and accomplish. I know that, but you’re right…I need to focus on that instead of what’s no longer here.
Give yourself time to grieve. For you no longer have the role of ‘mother with kids in the house’. This time has ended but a new chapter is just beginning. Your kids will always be your kids and they will always need a mom. A mom who is there with great wisdom and love, waiting patiently to lavish God’s love over them. The relationship that is waiting in the wings may very well be even better than the one you are exiting. I am not a mom ~ God’s providence. I had to grieve the fact that I would never be a mom, even though that was the only thing I was ‘sure’ I would have. But I am a daughter who’s moved far away from ‘home’ a few times for about 6 years in total over 20 years. We are very close and the relationship we have now (great respect and friendship) is extremely rewarding for both of us.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective, Joy. I, too, live far from my parents and I do take solace from the fact that we are still very close. We put Abby on the plane yesterday and I’m doing very well so far. However, as you suggested, I am taking it easy and giving myself some grace and room to grieve. I do know God has a grand new chapter for me ahead. Blessings!