How Gracious Accountability Can Change Your Life – Part 1 of 2

I used to squirm when anyone mentioned accountability, much less suggested it. Maybe you, too, think accountability is a four-letter word…on steroids. And maybe your reasons for politely turning down offers to hold you accountable resemble the excuses I used to give:

• “I’ve got this, thank you.”
• “That’s for people who have a real problem, not a little challenge.”
• “I like a little looser structure, more give in my goals.”
• “No one else even needs to know about this, much less question me about it.”
• “I’m not even sure this is something I need to change (try to do, go for, etc.).”
• “Some things are just too personal for anyone else to be involved.”
• “Hey, who is she (he, they) to hold me accountable to this? They don’t even do it perfectly themselves!”

Why We Bristle at Accountability

I think many of us fail to tap into the power of accountability for several reasons.

• Pride. We’re like King Saul when he was approached by Samuel about neglecting to carry out God’s orders in 1 Samuel 15. He was supposed to “strike Amalek and utterly destroy all that he has, and {do} not spare him.” Instead, Saul let Amalek live and kept the best of his livestock. But when God’s prophet tried to hold him accountable, Saul justified his disobedience. Pride keeps us from telling the truth because we want people to think we are something we are not.

• Shame. Consider how both Peter and Judas betrayed Jesus. Unfortunately, while Peter returned to the disciples and was later reconciled to Jesus, Judas’ shame convinced him that he could not face Jesus nor the other disciples again. Rather than face those who would have held him accountable for his actions, he killed himself. The enemy of our souls often shames us into keeping our struggles secret, too.

• Fear. A wicked cousin of shame, fear tells us that if we confess our struggle to anyone else and seek their assistance, we risk their scorn and contempt. It convinces us that such exposure will be humiliating…to the point of death. But 1 John 4:18 reminds us that fear is a tactic of Satan used to keep us from God’s best for us. Besides, rarely does the worst we’ve feared really happen. No one actually dies from humiliation! Fear just convinces us we will.

• Isolation. That’s no way to live, but many do. When David failed to keep himself sexually pure and eventually murdered a trusted soldier for the sake of convenience, it all started with him staying alone in Jerusalem while sending Joab (the commander of his army), his servants and “all Israel” into battle. It almost sounds as if David had sent away anyone who might have held him accountable!

Why Accountability is Worth the “Risks”

Pride, shame, fear and isolation are all weapons of destruction in Satan’s arsenal. He uses them to defeat us when we set out to follow hard after Jesus, conquer our giants, gain ground in our struggles, break free from chains that bind us or accomplish something of eternal value.

The enemy of our souls knows that when we break through our feelings of pride, shame, fear or isolation we will utilize the biblical strategy of accountability and make tremendous strides forward.

Enlisting and cooperating fully with accountability systems has helped me accomplish things I would continue to struggle with otherwise. And they’re not all “spiritual” accomplishments, although I would argue that every goal and subsequent victory has spiritual implications, wouldn’t you?

Accountability has helped me:

• become more physically fit
• lose unwanted pounds and inches
• manage my money better and save for desirable goals
• grow more intimate with Jesus through a daily quiet time
• keep my house cleaner and more organized
• raise my children
• support my church financially
• invest in my husband and our marriage
• learn a second language
• write five books
• study the Bible
• eat in a healthier way
• demolish strongholds
• break addictions
• memorize large portions of scripture
• and read the Bible through…just to name a few!

I think gracious accountability is what James had in mind when he penned this in his epistle:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)

Good Accountability is Gracious Accountability

All accountability is not the same. That’s why some people really wrestle against it. They’ve experienced bad accountability in the past.

Perhaps you had a teacher who shamed you – one who put you on the spot and made you feel like you might die right there in the front of the classroom. Or maybe you had a parent who demanded respect, but to the point that it caused you to fear them. Maybe they were abusive and left deep scars of humility and rejection.

Or maybe you had a coach who told you to suck it up! And if you didn’t, they made you feel isolated, lonely and ostracized. And you determined that the only true accomplishments were those you earned completely on your own.

That is not good accountability. That is wickedness.

Good accountability is gracious accountability. It’s godly accountability. In other words, it emulates the way God holds us accountable.

Gracious accountability does not demand perfection; it celebrates progress.

Gracious accountability does not punish; it provides feedback.

Gracious accountability does not compare; it encourages personal growth.

Gracious accountability does not shame; it keeps confidences.

Gracious accountability does not isolate; it provides safe and loving community.

Will You Seek Out Accountability?

Gracious accountability has pushed me further than I would have gone on my own. It has dreamed big for me and structured my life so I could actually accomplish some of those dreams. It has organized me for success in multiple areas of my life.

Yes, I’m talking about accountability like it’s a person. But, in fact, my accountability partners haven’t all been people. I’d like to share more with you about where and how I’ve found accountability in the next post.

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I’d love to share with you a few of the tools I’ve used to stay accountable. These accountability systems/partners have helped me grow in areas ranging from health to spiritual growth to housekeeping to professional growth. You’ll find these in How Gracious Accountability Can Change Your Life – Part 2.